Training? Who needs to train when you can just whine? Or wine.

When we last talked, and by talked I mean I told you all about how I have a half marathon coming up that I needed to get in shape for, I had six weeks left until the start time.   Well, that was about five weeks ago and I haven’t run one-step.   I have lots of excuses.  The first was the cold spell that we had here in Los Angeles.   And, while this is without question an excuse – it’s a good one because I hate cold.   That is why I live in Southern California and pay an outrageous amount in rent.  That’s right, I rent, because it is also too expensive for me to buy a house here.   Which leads me to my next reason for having not run, - my job. 

I have my job so that I can pay my rent and I have been working extremely long hours for the last month.  My job, as some of you know, I find to be extremely stressful.   Oh, I know what you are all thinking, you’re thinking, “well then you should definitely go for a run!   Exercise is such a stress reducer!”   Bullshit.   That’s right.  I said it.  I realize that it is what the medical industrial complex has been telling us for a long time, but it is Bullshit.  

Going for a run at night after a long day of work involves me waiting until Justin gets home to take care of Oliver, changing clothes, running in an area that although not unsafe, would not necessarily make it into the “safe” category either, coming home, somehow magically getting all of the things that have to get done at night done, and getting up and repeating it all the next day.  Oh, yeah, and I am supposed to spend quality time with Oliver as well.  You know, actually playing with him, not just sitting him in front of the iPad to raise himself (although, considering his aptitude with the device, he might be better off.)     So, in effect, going for a run does not actually decrease my stress.  It increases my stress about my parenting, housekeeping, and cooking skills.  Oh, and let’s not forget trying to be a good partner (because to be honest, I usually do, - forget that is.)   Once again, I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking, “well, what about running in the morning?”   To that, all I can say is, you have clearly never spent time with me in the morning.    Do you know what does help me de-stress?  Wine. 

Do you know what wine doesn’t do?   Help me train for a half-marathon.   So, this weekend, I am participating in a half-marathon without any training.   My current plan is to run about the first five miles, I am pretty sure I can do that without training and then walk the rest.   Alternatively, I may just not show up and just start drinking early.   Sparkling wine with a little bit of orange juice seems like the perfect alternative for this stress.